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The End Of The RoadStopping Sexual Scandal In The Messianic Movement - Part 12 (You may want to
read Part 11 first if you haven't)
My father-in-law passed away unexpectedly three Sabbaths ago. He was 66. Jeremiah 22:10 reminds us to "weep not for the dead and mourn not his loss, but rather, weep for him who departs and does not return." My wife's mourning her father's absence unfortunately began 8 years before he passed away. From 2018 until 2026, she prayed Yahweh would turn her father's heart back toward his daughter and her children, like the prophet Malachi promised: "And he shall turn again the heart of fathers to children, and the heart of children to the fathers of them, lest peradventure I come, and smite the earth with a curse." (4:6, Wycliffe) In those years, the solace she found, however, was instead in the arms of the One who promises that He "is a father to the fatherless" (Psa 68:5). ![]() Her earthly father was not always a hard man, and that's not to say his heart was hard towards everyone, or that he didn't do good and righteous things, because he certainly did. Nevertheless, "if a righteous man turn from their righteous behavior and start doing sinful things and act like other sinners, will they live? Peradventure not, and all their righteous acts may be forgotten, and they might die in their sins" (Ezek 18:24 NLT). Those words may sound harsh yet they are the words of the Biblical prophet, Ezekiel, and the Messiah Yahshua similarly warned "although you may seek me, if you die with your sin, you cannot go where I am going." (John 8:21) Barry Woodcraft's obituary composed by his eldest daughter who until 9 years ago was one my wife's closest friends, shares how "he was a very kind and loving man, strong in his faith, and always eager to share the love of his Father with others." She shares how he "was the heart of our family, and his compassion touched everyone who knew him" before noting how "(his widow) & (oldest daughter), are now facing the difficult reality of moving forward without him." I want to weep with them, yet the tears in my eyes are not for their loss when he died. When asked by the young man in Luke 9:59-62, "Master, first let me go and bury my father." Yahshua replied, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of Elohim." Still another said, "I will follow you, Master; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family" to which Yahshua replied, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of Elohim." Perhaps this might serve as an example of the Christian perspective of faith juxtaposed against more of a Biblical perception of faithfulness. We serve the Creator of life who announces "I am El Shaddai, the resurrection and the life; whoever remains trustworthy to me, even if he dies, he shall live" (John 11:25, ABPE). One may have strong faith in where they believe they are destined spiritually, without the extent of faithfulness to necessarily achieve that desired end. In this perspective, strong faith alone may be a misnomer. I don't say this to be unsympathetic, and realize that Barry's premature passing is painful for many, including our own, with their reasons undoubtedly as diverse, both as their hearts and as the soil we walk on. But what I weep for most is the scattered pieces of broken trust, both towards Yahweh and Barry's fellow man, that remain. Pieces of broken trust with no one now living to reassemble them. Tears destined now to only be bottled (Psa 56:8), with nothing upon which to fall. "There are three things that are never satisfied, four that never say, 'Enough!': the grave, the barren womb, land, which is never satisfied with water, and fire, which never says, 'Enough!'." (Proverbs 30:15,16) I weep for the opportunities of restoration which were instead entrusted to the silence of a coffin on a cold January day, last Sunday, through mankind's free will, while many other coffins remain awaiting to be filled. We would be invited to attend that somber event, yet not to recall the sweet communion we shared. Rather to witness how the death angel already passed unawares, and another elder was taken from a demographic already sadly lacking them. Starkly confronted with the reality of how far past midnight.... 8 years past the nightmare of our own midnight that this actually occurred. A reminder that sin still has real and lasting consequences, and that deceiving ourselves tears open old wounds. Yeshua wept - John 11:35 - and the reason that He wept is why we weep with Him. I know people want to hear nice things about those who have left this life, and that at everyone's funeral we want to be comforted with reminders of the good things that people have done, not the bad. I know we want to be placated with promises that everybody goes to play a harp on the clouds and nobody ever goes down to the depths of sheol. I know we don't want to believe the parable of the beggar who arrived at the wedding feast in clothing contaminated by misdeeds and was thrown out, but we have to be truthful. That sometimes may appear unfeeling, but truth doesn't change due to our sentiments. I don't say something today to make any conjectures about my father-in-law's eternal destiny, because I don't honestly know where that may be, just as I don't know why he made some of the choices he made in his later years. To be honest, it baffles me; the man I met when the girl I ultimately married was still only 14, contrasted with the man who died just three weeks ago. The two seem to be strangers. I don't even understand how to reconcile what appears to me, from my experiences, be be an irroncilable paradox. But that's because I am not Yah. I do not have to understand. I do not have what is needed to bear that burden. Each of us bears responsibility in our own attempt to "acutely live out the salvation offered us individually with reverence and serious awe" (Php 2:12). I do pray that when Barry died in his sleep sometime between 6 and 9 AM, three Sabbaths ago, that it was with a cleansed conscience and a pure confession between him and Abba Yah. My attempts to judge righteous judgement do not determine another's destiny. I am not preaching to the dead, but entreating the living. Still, that does not negate that there was an incredibly serious thing which my father-in-law left undone, and it would do us all well to take the lesson of what that was to heart. When each of us pass out of this world which we were allotted as a mere time of rehearsal, we are confronted with the reality of presenting ourselves to the Creator and author and finisher of our faith. Matthew 5:23,24 cautions to this end that "as soon as you remember that your relative has aught against you, leave your gift before the altar and go be reconciled to them before you present yourself before Yah." It's easy to say we are "Torah-keepers", but we live that out to be a lie if we don't actually keep the instructions of Yahshua, as the Torah made flesh. My wife never found closure with her father in this life, seeing as when he died they were still estranged. I don't say this without acknowledging that breakdowns in human relationships aren't contributed to from necessarily only one side. I also realize that reasons for estrangement run the gamut from extremely serious down to blatently petty things, and Yahweh will have to render a determination here: Luke 17:1,2 Then said He unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: yet woe unto him, through whom they come! For it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones. My wife, as a mother to 8 of Barry's 17 grandchildren, simply struggles to comprehend how a father who said he loved her, could hold his silence year after year while she was introduced to stranger after stranger in place after place as the daughter "who knows she wasn't wanted". Eventually that turned from an observation into a reverse accusative: "what was done to you that you don't want me" when she had to establish some boundaries in protection of her own children. The irony seems obvious here, yet at the same time, "every way of a man is right in his own eyes, while Yahweh searches the hearts" (Prov 21:2-4). My wife struggles to understand, 20 years later, how her father gave an ultimatum to a scared, uncertain 17 year old girl, weeks away from her wedding day, faced with being kicked out of his house and no longer being considered his daughter, or else... Not because she didn't save herself, not because she was with child out of wedlock, not because patental blessing on her betrothal hadn't been obtained, and not because of anything else that to this day she can understand. She struggles to comprehend how it was in compassion and love, 19 years after that ultimatum was given, that he brought his grandchild's name up before a roomfull of strange men, not to protect the child, but to defend their abuser - also a relative - whom he acknowledged shielding through his silence for at least 2 years. She struggles comprehending how the same father who told her, 28 years prior, when she was a 9 year old little girl, that he couldn't hold her hand in stores anymore because "it would be an appearance of evil" - how that man didn't interject or as much as raise an eyebrow when those same men postulated among themselves whether his 7 year old grandchild could have "given consent" to abuse which Barry conceded to having been aware of for some time? She struggles to understand how a father who thanked her for dressing modestly could have turned around and so cheapened what his daughter had endeavored to protect through her own childrens' modest attire. Or how he could sidestep the shreds which were torn from their innocent hearts. She struggles to understand how he could tell that same room full of men that he feared for his daughter's safety, only to never say a word to her, never reply to her messages, or never once afterward even inquire if she was even okay. I was 20 and she was 17 when we married in a ceremony which felt like we were the centerpiece in a play, where some people's true feelings were obscured by an artisticly woven act. It was not the winter wedding of which my bride had dreamed. A majority of our witnesses, after what will be 20 years of marriage this March, no longer even exist to witness anything, either good or bad. Her father is now one of those missing pieces in the jigsaw puzzle of witnesses. Our youngest child was never personally known to him. Yet we still have a witness watching in the heavens, privy to every event, every broken command, every honored promise, every miscarriage of justice, every misrepresentation of right and wrong, and every missing puzzle-piece. My wife has not had an easy road, as betrayed by the increasing silvering of her hair at only 37 years old. Her daughters too, have had to carry the weight of burdens they never should have had to know, and they have had to be brave, and have been brave. Now her sister and mother are "facing the difficult reality of moving forward without her dad", yet that has been the exact situation my wife has found herself in for the last 8 years. Many have remained blissfully unaware of that sad reality. The flesh would lash out - "now they know what it is like to feel that pain of loss" - when my wife in truth would not wish on her worst enemy the pain she has kept inside, hoping in vain for a restoration which never happened, which didn't involve moral compromise. Because why would she mar the image while still hoping it was only an imperfect shape of a relationship in transition? Unfortunately there is no more illusion. The crystal globe of life shattered. Barry passed from this life when he was called, at a time appointed, but Lindsey's final goodbye to him, no matter how you view it, came 8 years premature. And there is no closure now that he is gone. She struggles to understand, and now always will, how exactly her father's compassion for everyone - which her sister mentions pointedly - touched his youngest daughter & her children, at least in his latter years. 2018 was the last time she saw him, when he suddenly moved away with little notice and no explanation, leaving everything he owned and had acquired behind. Everything that was, including the photos of her childhood, which were shortly afterward consumed in a fire so mysteriously occurring that no one could really explain. Then with exception of a few scattered phone calls came the difficult decision of moving forward without the heart of the only father; and for her children, the only grandfather on their mother's side, that they never stopped praying would be broken towards them and demonstrate it still knew what was meant by the words "compassion", "love" and "kind". The Bible says to weep with those who weep. They have fund-raised for his burial and now his lifeless body rests in the ground. We do not know what his last thoughts or regrets may have been, but no amount of money can equate the dad my wife wishes she still had, and prayed might one day still come around. "Do not weep for he who dies.... weep for him who leaves and does not return". In our experience at least, the latter is far more tragic. My final communication with Barry was last May. It was spring, the time when the trees were budding and the singing of birds had come. It was a time of new beginnings. He asked if I forgave him. He didn't specify what for, and it felt almost like a preemptive pardon, but guessing from some of the things he had said last time we talked I could make a reasonable assumption. I accepted the risk and told him "I forgive you and if you ever want to talk about things in the hope of having more resolve, I am here." "Thank you :-)" was the one-word last reply I received. He never said he wanted to talk. The last time I'd mentioned it he'd said he wasn't interested. Eight more months went by. Eight months of opportunity, but nothing to come of it. He never said he wanted to see his daughter or grandchildren. He never said anything else at all. My wife never received another call or message from her dad. She first heard that he died third-hand. She still hasn't received a call from her mom. So please do pray for my wife's family; it might well be that they need prayer far more than we do. If you don't believe it breaks any Biblical precadent, pray that Yahweh will look with mercy on anywhere her father missed the mark now that he is gone as well. Yet also, if you would be so kind, please pray for my wife and the finality of the hole in her heart which Barry's passing with so much unresolved leaves behind. James 2:1,8-9. "My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith. If you fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself,' you do well. But if you show partiality, you commit sin, convicted as transgressors." We endeavor to not cast our own children aside, even though that has already cost us something it never should have cost. To that end, we will endeavor to honor the legacy my wife's father left when he told her many years ago, before they were ever estranged, that he wanted her to do better than her parents had done. Psalm 128. A Song of Ascents 1 Blessed are all who fear Yahweh, who walk in obedience to him. 2 You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. 3 Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. 4 Yes, this will be the blessing for the man who fears Yahweh. 5 May Yahweh bless you from Zion; may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life. 6 May you live to see your children's children - peace be on Israel. "For ire is in his indignation; and life is in his will (For there is anger in his indignation; but there is life in his favour). Weeping shall dwell at eventide; and gladness at the morrowtide. (Psa 30:5, Wycliffe) Therefore we press on. In Yahshua's Service, The Coover Family Return To Home |